All posts by Kaye

Soul & Solace: Winded

Creativity/Spirituality, , , , , , , ,

We walk a neighborhood hill that, I swear, gets steeper as the temperatures climb. I powered up it one morning and, at its crest, found myself winded.
 
Winded. A word I come across in books, but rarely in conversation.
 
Yet the word shot into my mind as I paused at the crest, bent over, hands on thighs, hauling in breath. And it named more than my lung fatigue.
 
We live on a planet stained by pandemic and, despite our efforts to scrub it out, a faint tinge remains. Every cough is suspect; we face a lifetime of annual shots in the arm. More than that, the after effects stare at us through empty business windows, empty (or overpriced) store shelves, empty chairs. Leaves us winded.
 
Across the globe, war drags on: civilians taking up arms, hundreds of thousands killed, citizens tortured, children kidnapped. All for a hunk of land. Leaves us winded.
 
Yet another school shooting. Yet another community horrified and grieving. Parents of slain children comforting the most recent parents of slain children. How do we describe the tragedy? Vile? Obscene? The new normal? Leaves us winded.
 
Great art banned or labeled pornographic. Winded.
 
Add to that a spate of natural disasters, stress at work or school and/or home, personal loss. Definitely winded.
  
With all that taxing our air supply, how can we draw breath?  These practices can send good O2 coursing through our souls. Choose what suits you. 

  • Sing! Singing literally helps us draw breath. It also lessens depression and enables us to express our emotions. Who cares if we’re pitch perfect or know all the words? Let’s just crank up the music and belt it out!
  • Journal: Whether we journal in words, illustrations, or items glued onto a page, a journal is our breathing space. We find clarity and cleansing between the covers of our journal.
  • Good Growing: Whether we plant a garden, take a wildflower road trip, or tend a succulent, attending to the health and hope of living things helps us breathe deep.
  • Advocate/Volunteer: We can do something to alleviate a hardship or wrong that has us winded. Send a get-well card, foster or adopt a rescue animal, sign a petition, attend our Banned Book Speakeasy…. Whatever action we take, however small, for the good, is a breath of fresh air. At the same time, we need also to…
  • …Care for Self: Be it a daily rest time, a good book, a walk in nature, or a creative project, caring for ourselves is vital when we’re winded.
  • Savor Surprise: Like a resurrection, fresh starts can come as a surprise. Let’s gather breath and hope for great amazement in days to come. When it comes, however unexpected, let’s savor it!

Spring is here, with its promise of fresh air and fresh starts. We, at A Spacious Place, hope for you experiences that fill and thrill your soul with bracing, fresh air.  
 
How does “winded” feel to you? How do you find soul breath in hard times? Share your thoughts with us at contact@aspaciousplace.com.

Soul and Solace: Poli-talk

Creativity/Spirituality, , , ,

Is your phone blowing up with texts from political hopefuls of every ilk? What about political attack ads blasting from TV, radio, and our computers? Ever wished for a “Mute Poli-talk” app for your devices? For me, yes to all three.

In the centuries before our births, people survived sickness, poverty, hostile takeovers, and despotism. I must confess that those persons had seemed to me like fictional characters: something like the throng in The Princess Bride. I’m now keenly aware that real persons survived harshness, injustice, and cruelty: and that enough of them hoped for something better so that, in many places, things are better.

This year, these hopeful persons from our history challenge me to vote, not only as a civic duty, but also as a spiritual discipline. What does spiritual-discipline voting look like? Here are some possibilities.

·         Research: Check out reputable sources. Allow the candidates to speak for themselves rather than relying on attacks from their opposition.

·         Faith over Fear: Attack ads work because fear is a powerful motivator. With that awareness, we can resist panic and vote our values instead.

·         Reflect: What are our core values? What do we rely on for security? What do we hope for our values to be? What does God (by whatever name we choose) hope for us to value?  After reflection leads to clarity, we take our God values to the polls.

·         Neighboring: We can vote, considering not only our desires and hopes, but also those of our neighbors and of future generations. We can vote in, and for, community.

·         Vote: Texas ranks near the bottom of the nation in voter turnout. We can make time to vote and encourage others to do the same. *If you need transportation, let us know and we will get you to the polls.

Voting as spiritual discipline means we create the future—for ourselves and for others— when we take our values to the polls.

What are your thoughts and feelings on poli-talk? How do you cope with attack ads? What are your thoughts on voting as spiritual practice? We would love to hear from you. Share your Soul & Solace thoughts at contact@aspaciousplace.com.

Soul & Solace: Monsters!

Creativity/Spirituality, , , ,

We see them: leering at us from billboards, television screens, store fronts. And come the end of the month, they’ll saunter down our streets, terrifying to behold, demanding sugar. Frankensteins with pea-green skin, vampires with dead white complexions, zombies losing whatever skin and skin tone they once had. Monsters, all. Right?

I just reread T.J. Klune’s, The House in the Cerulean Sea (I hope you’ll treat yourself to a read and possibly a reread. Bring tissues.) The story features a monstrous-looking creature whose greatest hope is to serve others. The greatest hope of people in the story who look “normal” is to serve themselves at the expense of others. So, what makes a monster? Appearance or attitudes and actions?

Is the pea-green guy with neck bolts the monster, or is the monster the scientist who forced life into vulnerable tissue, and then refused that life community and companionship? What of the Count on Sesame Street, who teaches children their numbers? Also, the zombie R, in the film Warm Bodies, yearns more for love than for a brain-tissue snack.

So, what makes a monster? The question has been debated for centuries. Is a monster that which looks like “other”: one that shocks and horrifies on sight? Does a being’s appearance make that being a monster?

Is a monster that which acts in self-interest and without compassion? Does a single monstrous act make a monster, or is it a pattern of choiced actions? Is one who destroys, regardless of appearance, monstrous? What of one who benefits if we fear one another: who goads us to see difference as threat?

That’s a lot of questions without easy answers. Yet, a wise man once challenged us to love our neighbors as ourselves: not more than ourselves, and not less than. In curbing monstrosity, it seems like a good place to start. What are your thoughts and feelings on the topic of monsters? What, for you, is monstrous? We would love to hear from you. Share your Soul & Solace thoughts at contact@aspaciousplace.com.

Soul & Solace: Dark and Flat?

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“In the Dark Ages, people believed the world was flat.” I first heard this concept in elementary school, and have seen it reiterated in film and on television often since. Dark ages belief in a flat earth a widely accepted “fact.”

Yet my daughter Arielle, a Medieval scholar, shared these insights about the time designated as the Dark Ages:

Not the dark ages:

  • People in Medieval times had soap and took baths;
  • Universities were founded in Europe during the High Middle Ages, and a lot of the learning came to them from Jewish and Muslim scholars, including ones who interpreted Greek texts into Latin (Aristotle, Plato, etc.);
  • We think of “peasants” as poor, miserable, dirty, and fully dependent on their nobles; actually, the non-nobles and non-clergy population describes a large group of people (those who “work,” as opposed to those who fight—nobles, kings, knights—and those who pray—clergy) and they were not all in awe of their nobles—there were several uprisings in England (as one example); there were also craftspeople, wealthy merchants, and so on who would fall under this category;
  • Women weren’t all oppressed (queens and ladies often defended their lands from attackers);
  • They knew the world was round (the Norse “found” the Americas well before Columbus, and the orbs that you see kings and such holding when they were crowned or depicted in art are meant to represent the globe—a sphere);
  • Oh, and witch trials in England—that’s a “Renaissance”/Early Modern thing.

So why all this misleading information about times gone by? I suspect our teachers and entertainers were, in good faith, sharing what was taught them, as I doubt there is a national conspiracy to disparage the pre-Renaissance era. They taught what they thought.

Which got me thinking about, well, thinking. A lot of what we do at A Spacious Place encourages choice: what color do you want? Which song do you choose to sing? Does the work feel finished to you? It not, what else do you want to do with it?

We encourage choice because each one of us deserves to know our own mind. Each one of us has the right—and the responsibility—to think for ourselves. To ask questions. To do our own research. Otherwise, we cheat ourselves of true selfhood, and we cheat the world of the persons we, alone, can be.

Someone somewhere did their own research and discovered that Medieval times weren’t so dark after all. Then that person shared the information with another, who, hopefully, verified with their own research, and so on.

Why this lengthy discourse inspired the earth’s rotundity and times not so dark? Because thinking for ourselves has never been more vital. We need faith leaders and government leaders who encourage free thinking. When either—or—both expect, instead, that we blindly choose their version of truth, we need to do our own thinking.

After reading this piece, I hope everyone double checks the flat-earth concept. And then, while we’re at it, let’s double check something else we’ve long assumed correct (with at least two credible sources, of course). Because, for each of us, the shape of our soul is ours to choose. 

What practices help shape your faith? How do you understand truth, fact, and opinion? How important is choice to you? We would love to hear from you. Share your Soul & Solace thoughts at contact@aspaciousplace.com.

Soul & Solace: Marching Orders

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It began as a gentle urge: while watching neighbors walk their dogs, viewing news stories about overcrowding at the animal shelter, or hearing stories from family and friends. Then the gentle push changed into a direct order: I was to be home to an animal in need. David wasn’t so sure. As a teen, he’d been assigned the job of taking the ailing family dog to be put down, because his mother “just couldn’t face it.” And, also, there was the expense.
 
Together we arrived at a decision which saw us motoring to the shelter with two puppies we’d found on their website in mind. The first pup was being treated for a respiratory infection and was unavailable. I felt relieved: I had neither the skills nor the resources to care for an ailing pet: just a backyard and some love to give.
 
We met our second choice, a female German Shepherd pup who looked stern and noble, and who acted sweet and goofy. We asked the usual questions: house trained? Good with children? Dietary needs? And began the adoption process. Toward the end, the staffer mentioned “positive for heart worms” and then slid a treatment sheet under my eyes. My heart stopped. Weeks of pills, painful injections, more weeks of almost complete crate rest.
 
I could not do this. I could not not do this.
 
We drove the pup home and got her set up as best we could. I expected her to whine through the night. She did not. Instead, I kept myself awake: a stranger was in our house. One I’d no idea how to be with or how to care for. The name given the pup at the shelter didn’t quite fit her. I thought if I could find a name that felt like the pup, maybe I could begin to know how to care for her. I spent a sleepless night going through the alphabet, searching. By morning, I’d narrowed it down to three names, and, with David, chose Maddie in honor of one of our favorite writers, Madeleine L’Engle who knew the importance of naming and whose novels boasted some awesome dogs.


 
And there was more: the shelter staff told us Maddie was afraid of other dogs. Because we had no plans to get another dog, I didn’t see that as a problem—until I took her for a walk. She couldn’t make it to the end of the street before scrambling back to our door in a panic. I had visualized her accompanying us on our walks. What now?
 
It’s been seven weeks now. Maddie has finished her first round of medication. In a few days, she gets her first injection, followed by weeks of crate rest, another injection, a third, and then more crate rest. I’m grateful we’ve had this time for her to explore. She walks the neighborhood now, has made some human and doggie friends, and even deliberately pooped a couple of times outside the fence of a particularly aggressive dog. She has a home and a family. And food she doesn’t have to scavenge (although she doesn’t consider our morning walk complete without at least one cicada snack). Our daughters buy Maddie treats, toys, and necessities. They share Maddie stories with their friends, so she has global support. David plays with her, tossing toys into the air; she jumps and scrambles after them, tail beating the air with joy. All this will strengthen Maddie, I hope, for the difficulties to come.
 
I mentioned earlier that the urge to adopt Maddie morphed into marching orders. That’s often my experience of God: as a General who shows up, gives me an assignment, and proceeds on to other needed work. For the Maddie marching order, I am grateful—for Maddie, for myself, for my husband, for my daughters, for all the people cheering for her. I guess I don’t have to always be up for what I’m to do. Just willing.
 
How do you visualize God? Has God given you an assignment you didn’t feel up for? How did it turn out? We would love to hear from you. Share your Soul & Solace thoughts at contact@aspaciousplace.com.

Soul & Solace: Let’s Talk About Sex

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My high-school health teacher assigned me a research project on abortion. Surprising, right, for a seventies military school in the deep south? Still, that was the assignment, and as research material, she suggested what was commonly known as the “little yellow book” and whose actual title was “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex: But Were Afraid to Ask.” I relayed the information to my mother and was met with pursed lips and a gaze of steel. Nevertheless, she purchased the book and placed it into my hands with a command as from on high: “Only read the chapter on abortion. Do NOT read any more of that…thing.”

I, of course, read the book cover to cover: a fact my mother knew and expressed disgust about. Since that time, I’ve made healthy, informed decisions about sex due, in part, to the little yellow book, and also, in part, to my upbringing.

So why am I sharing this pearl from my days of youth? Two reasons, really: both tied to choice. First relates to parenting. Parents ought not be the sole selectors of their children’s reads. Why? Because 1) caring parents are hard-wired to protect their offspring (to my mother’s mind, knowing about sex would lead to acting on that knowledge and down the slippery slope I would go), and, while protection is necessary, so is challenge. Youth need to read books that stretch their perspectives, that trouble their preconceptions, that fire their imaginations, and that show them their potential: for good or ill. Also, 2) parents are people, and, as such, have limits. That’s why we need pediatricians, school teachers, and librarians. At some point, we parents need to trust these professionals to care about, and to care for, our children.

The second reason is tied to recent legislation restricting choice, including Texas’ book-banning legislation (largely focused on books about race and gender), which purports to support parents’ rights.

Perhaps the rights of some hand-picked parents. Certainly, not all parents. But even so, the point is not parents’ rights: it is children’s rights. The right to learn what will feed their souls. The right to find in the library a wealth and diversity of readings to blow their minds with possibility. Because, in the end, children of caring parents will, in turn, care what their parents believe. A book on the banned list could well be a key that opens a deep family conversation about values and choices. Let’s not be so fearful of another’s perspective that we shut down the possibility of such teachable moments. Does banning The Cider House Rules lead a woman to make compassionate, informed choices? Or a man to respect the consequences of his desire for the woman—or young girl—involved? Whatever our position on abortion, or any other ethical conundrum, does denying knowledge of differing perspectives result in healthy, informed choice for anyone?

Choices that restrict the choices of others carry serious consequences: not made any less serious because the choice-restrictors refuse to see them.

I offer this pearl from my teen years as a plea: let us, as creative people, take a stand for books, for knowledge, for imagination, for selfhood—and for choice itself. We stand at a crossroads in this nation. Let‘s together choose the path that leads to choice for all.  

What are your thoughts on choice, on reading, on parenting? We would love to hear from you. Share your Soul & Solace thoughts at contact@aspaciousplace.com.

Want more info on book bans? Check out https://ilovelibraries.org/ and mark your calendars for this year’s Banned Books Week: September 18-25, 2022 (https://bannedbooksweek.org/).

To support “a world in which all children can see themselves in the pages of a book,” check out We Need Diverse Books: https://diversebooks.org/.

Concerned about other restrictions on our choices and rights? The ACLU and Southern Poverty Law Center work to defend the liberties of all U.S. Americans and to combat injustice and hatred. You can learn more about them at https://www.aclu.org/ and https://www.splcenter.org/ , respectively.

Soul & Solace: What Can I Do?

Creativity/Spirituality, , , , , , , , , , ,

Perhaps you voiced the words aloud. Perhaps they trouble your soul: felt but unsaid. How do we face the day, knowing what is done cannot be undone? Children are dead. For no reason. Families devastated. For no reason. Students traumatized. For no reason.

The brutality of the Uvalde shooting shatters our hearts. But what can we do? What good are my tears: hot as they are with rage? What good are anyone’s?

I have no answers: just the story of a gift, an Easter gift, long delayed. The package, a present from our daughter, arrived the day of the Uvalde shooting. The creators of the gift, artists Oleg and Darina, included with the present a note, handwritten in English and adorned with hand-drawn hearts: “With love from Ukraine!” Due to the murders we’re calling “Putin’s War,” Oleg and Darina had been forced to relocate, hence the delay in shipping.

The package arrived resealed: my guess is it had been opened and searched. Inside the taped-up box lay six smaller boxes. Each housed an intricately painted fragile egg: in perfect condition. They are, each, a wonder. Staring at them, more tears came: tears of awe, gratitude, and sorrow.

I have no answers. But I think of Oleg and Darina and realize that we live in a world of brutality and beauty. And that which way we lean—toward or the brutal or the beautiful—makes a serious difference in our lives and in the lives of others. Oleg and Davina lean toward beauty in the midst of brutality. Their choice guides mine, between tears.

So, what can we do?

 

Between tears

         Tell someone we love them

Between tears

         Gaze up at stars or down at a flower

Between tears

         Scream primal prayers at the heavens

Between tears

         Stand in another’s shoes

Between tears

         Savor beauty

Between tears

         Drive like a human

Between tears

         Create beauty

Between tears

         Feel water on our skin and the sun on our face

Between tears

         Do the world some small good, just because we can

Between tears

         Know our tears matter.

Ukranian Painted Eggs by Oleg and Darina

Soul & Solace April 2018

Creativity/Spirituality, , , ,

Wax On…

Sometimes faith is like the Karate Kid. We’re trapped in the middle—wax on wax off, paint the fence—without any sense of purpose or outcome. Are we being played? Used? What’s the point of all this, anyway?

When we’re sweating in the dark, a faith of cute baby angels and “smile, God loves you” just won’t cut it. In these seasons I find myself resentful, confused, fear filled. What is faith in such times? How do we keep on waxing and painting?

  1. We clarify. Painful as they are, paint-the-fence times provide a chance to get clear. What really matters to me? Really matters enough to risk my safety and security? Dr. Martin Luther King did not intend to preach his “Mountaintop Sermon.” With his life was in danger, and he had no plans to attend the gathering in which he uttered those potent words. But when invited, he came. As he speaks, we see him gain courage and clarity. Dr. King was killed shortly after preaching his Mountaintop Sermon. What he died for lives on.
  2. We act. In attending to those tasks which relate to our highest value we apply wax where it is needed. We act in faith, no matter how we feel. And in the acting, we gain soul muscle. A caution: we can over-function during waxing times, believing we’ve somehow fallen short of expectations and more effort will fix things. And that’s where Point Three comes in.
  3. We care for ourselves. Imagine a child enduring a painful season. Would we berate the child with “should haves” or heap on extra chores? Instead, we’d say “whatever you are feeling is okay; I’m here for you.” Enduring these seasons is grueling. Let’s be good to ourselves.
  4. We remember Miyagi. Why does God allow some things that happen—or not happen? It seems to unjust. Uncaring. Recalling God’s daily gifts of creation beauty, love of family and friends, good food, and cleansing water helps us give God the benefit of the doubt. Mr. Miyagi, it turned out, had a good purpose in all those chores.

How do you hang on during trying times? What, for you, is faith? We’d love to read your thoughts.

Soul & Solace March 2018

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Sailing to the North Star

Wherever we are our faith voyage, contemplating who we are now and who we hope to be provides us a North Star. But what about all that stuff that impedes our sailing?

As we consider what flotsam and jetsam need to be cleared away, it’s tempting to drop anchor and stare dismally at all our floating crud. Though the point is the voyage, not the impediments, it’s easy to get trapped berating ourselves for our crud. Is there any source of help when we’re weighed down with regret?

There is: and it’s all around us. H2O. Good old water.

This month, we invite you to refresh yourself with God’s gift of H2O. Possibilities are

  • Take a sip. Pour water into a clear glass and notice its clarity. Sip and let the water sit on your tongue. Swallow and envision the water replenishing your tissues and hydrating your skin.
  • Take a shower or bath. As the water cleanses, notice how it also refreshes. Cool water invigorates; warm water soothes. Soak it in. Literally.
  • Perk up a plant. Water a house plant, garden, or lawn. Note how droplets sit on leaves and petals, magnifying their structures: a universe revealed within a single droplet.
  • Do the dishes. It’s a homely and wholesome practice to occasionally wash dishes by hand. Life is often nebulous and confusing. Transforming a grimy plate into one sparkling clean and stacking it away for use another time—that’s a soul metaphor we can all appreciate.

Water is a treasure available (for now) in abundance. This month we hope you let it work its restorative magic in your soul. Water smooths our sailing, wherever our soul may voyage.

How do you move through guilt on your soul voyage? We’d love to read your thoughts.

Soul & Solace February 2018

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Getting Down and Getting Real

A well-intentioned speaker recently promoted volunteerism as a cure for depression. As a person who has, throughout my lifetime, struggled with what Winston Churchill called “the black dog,” and who volunteers regularly, I wanted to offer a different perspective: the possibility of living with depression as spiritual practice. And the same goes for volunteering.

Depression. Depression does not represent a lack of strength or a flaw of character. It’s a treatable condition. One that some pretty awesome people have shared, including Winston Churchill, Martin Luther, John Bunyan, and Howard Butt—founder of the HEB grocery chain and Laity Lodge. And, while potentially devastating, depression can actually be an opportunity. We learn to know ourselves deeply, to practice self-care, and to accept others’ in their woundedness. I would be pleased to visit with you further about the challenge of depression, if you wish.

Volunteering. How can volunteering be a spiritual practice? We can…

  • Stand in another’s shoes. Imagine living through a day as a person with whom you volunteer. If that person is in a wheelchair, how does he get to appointments? How does she prepare meals or practice good hygiene? What does the world look like from his eye level?
  • Get real. Actually loving someone—when they’re cranky or despondent or ungrateful—challenges us to clear away our rose-colored glasses version of what it means to love. Acting for the good of another takes (and promotes) clear spiritual vision.
  • Pre-feed our souls. Volunteering can taste great for the volunteer. But if that’s our sole reason for volunteering, we’re out the minute the cuisine goes stale. And where does that leave the person we’re volunteering with? Instead, we feed our souls before volunteering (because we all need and deserve it), then share from the abundance.
  • Connect face to face. Looking a person in the eye, listening with our full attention is a powerful gift. Fair warning: it also makes us vulnerable. But seeing another—and being seen by another— reminds us that we’re all human and we’re all connected.

What are your thoughts on depression? On volunteering? We’d love to read your thoughts.